60 on Up: The Truth about Aging in America

You don't often come across a book like this one that doesn't mince words or divert our attention from the actualities of aging. Rubin takes us deeply into the country of age with neither an unrealistic optimism nor a cynical pessimism. Old age is what it is--the final years of our lives. It comes with various ailments and infirmities, and also with a lifetime of accumulated experience. As the author herself is a woman in her eighties who alternates between writing about her own experience and summarizing the literature on the subject, the book encompasses the state of the art in terms of what growing old feels like. There is no truth more difficult to face than our own mortality and a virtual industry of products, euphemisms, activities, and downright lies has developed to help us avoid that truth. Rubin dismantles the denials one after another, yet the book is not depressing--in fact, its very existence proclaims what is possible to achieve in one's ninth decade of life. I wish it had an index and a bibliography, but other than that, its an excellent introduction to what is always unfamiliar terrain.

I loved this book because I felt like the author understood me- she said so many truisms. She is 20 yrs older than me and offers guidance into an unknown territory- like the end of life, parents aging and what is in store for us, how our children see us as we age, our independence, our health, what we want to accomplish in our lives, etc. I would also like to read some of her other books. She made me less " afraid" of becoming old.

Lillian Rubin has an impressive lists of books on topics like friendship and marriage that speak truth insightfully. She's done it again in this refreshing book on aging. Her opening line is "Age sucks." And she goes on to talk about those aspects of age--decline and loss--that are often by-passed by other authors. This honest look at growing old ["old age lasts a long time"], its impact on self, family, friends, and society, is perhaps even more appropriate for those of us who have reached 70 or beyond and may have many years ahead.

Psychologist Lillian B. Rubin is in her early eighties; her husband, over ninety, has early stage dementia. In 60 On Up, Rubin gives us an honest, hard look at the realities--especially the physical difficulties--of being old. She feels that Americans are in denial about the difficulties of aging. She wants to shake her husband when he says,"I'm lucky to be able to do as well as I can." I, on the other hand, would want to hug him and give him credit for his positive attitude. I focus on what we are able to gain as we age if we seek it in spite of the inevitable physical difficulties. I am not eighty, however, and my spouse is not ninety. That said, 60 on Up is a book worth reading. Rubin focuses on the prevalence of ageism in America... "Until ageism comes under some kind of public scrutiny with a political movement to match, euphemisms like 'senior citizen' will be met with disdain by both the old and the society in which they live." Here is a battle that needs to be fought. Rubin points out that our new longevity has costs, not only to those of us who are considered old, but to our children and our grandchildren as well. We may have wisdom, but who, she asks, wants to hear it? (Perhaps she has also unconsciously accepted some of the premises of ageism.) She acknowledges that seeking a spiritual life, a transcendent life, is a valid goal; however, she questions whether we, as sum totals of our whole life experience, can easily turn toward an introspective life. (Carl Jung and Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi in From Age-ing to Sage-ing, say it is imperative.) As we live longer, Rubin says, "We are now in uncharted territory, a stage of life not seen before in human history." When Rubin writes of friendship, she talks of those who have drifted away, died or grown frail and unable to continue a full social life. "Something happens on the way from there to here," she writes. "Suddenly our lives don't fit together the way they used to." Friendships change with age, she suggests, because we begin to pull back. We become introspective and conscious of the limitations that our future may bring us. While we want to be in the world, we need more solitude than ever and "have withdrawn...some of the energy that was once given over to our friendships." We move to a quieter, contemplative place that is "all too often, lonely." The title of Chapter Nine is self-explanatory: "Hey folks, you're spending my inheritance." Because we are living longer (healthier or not), we are using our savings on ourselves, not our children. Yet as we realize that our time is finite, we tend to value our children, grow closer to them, and, yes, become more dependent upon them. Paradoxically, we fight for our independence and our right to live alone, to drive and make our own decisions until circumstances require that we relinquish the fight, if only to ease the concerns of our children and grandchildren. But it is hard, and those of us who live long enough will inevitably

60 on Up: The Truth About Aging in America This is an enlightning and "down to earth" look at growing old in America. It examines the true realities that exist within a population who is uncomfortable with aging. In reading the book you can clearly see how we have no value for the aged. It shows that people are very afraid of growing old and the feeling among us is the end of life after a certain age even though we're still living. The book helps one come to terms about aging and invites us to face issues head-on regarding not only our utlimate challenge but the very last important process in our lives. This book helped me to accept instead of deny what is happening to my body as well as my mind, and to try to stay in touch with the world and be a vibrant part of it at this time in my life. This is a terrific book and a delight to read.